Thursday, September 28, 2017

Memento Mori

Being pregnant in 2017 feels a little like I'm having a child in the last third of On the Beach. Even though I've literally never been more excited about anything else in my entire life, I can see the inexorable doom approaching.

In case that first paragraph didn't clue you in, today's post falls into the category of 'heavy downer ruminations' rather than 'fun dress reviews.'

Surprisingly (if you don't know me well) or unsurprisingly (if you do, and know how I feel about babies), my sense of impending disaster has very little to do with becoming responsible for another living thing's entire well-being. It's much more about the steady stream of bad news that assails me literally every time I catch a glimpse of the TV or my Twitter feed.

World-ending nuclear holocaust has been one of my top-three fears ever since I was a little kid, so it's understandable that all this North Korea saber-rattling would also rattle my composure. Climate change is a more recent concern, but one that almost feels worse when you're in the middle of growing a human that's gonna have to deal with it. And it's not helping that this stupid Obamacare repeal that a majority of Americans (but a minority of Republican megadonors, apparently) opposes keeps rising from the dead like an unholy zombie Lazarus, either.

I'm not usually one to avoid things that make me nervous, uncomfortable, or frightened, but this year, I've had to change my habits a bit. (Extreme anxiety can't be good for the baby, right? It's definitely not great for me!) And while it's a bit harder for me to cope by hauling out all my clothes and trying them on, Jeff knows now to change the channel when the subject of North Korea comes up, for example, and that's helped me a lot.

Sometimes, though, I think about all these extinction-level threats to humanity and it just makes me sad. This is the world my child will inherit. And it doesn't appear that she'll be able to expect a better world than the one I was born into. It makes me wonder where we collectively lost our way.

The other thing that I've been hyper conscious of since this pregnancy began is the circle of life. Maybe it's just because I ended up telling my family about the baby on the day my grandma passed away, but I can't stop thinking about how someday this baby will be all that's left of my family. And I'm not quite sure how to get my mind off of that dreadful thought and refocus my attention on living in the moment.

I suppose the advice I'd likely get here is to make the most of the time we all have together, since that's basically the only possible constructive response. And I fully intend to do this! I'm hoping it'll be a little easier to silence that consciousness of mortality once I'm too wrapped up in caring for a newborn to overthink everything. In the meantime, I'm going to focus on the things I'm grateful for, spend some time looking through old photos and my collection of cards and letters from the people I love, and maybe make a few more lists about the things that make life sweet.

How do you deal with thoughts like these? Any constructive coping suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Follow this blog on:


  1. Hi, changing a routine or habit can be tough if anxious, but you have an exciting time ahead. To chill I take a nice walk in the fresh air, go for a swim or have a long soak in the bath.

  2. I was not expecting such a post. I guess it is hard as a future parent to let a child inherit a messed up world. Like it is not fair to them that we had a better time than they will. But that's also part of life and you can teach the kids to enjoy it nonetheless, making the most of the good things they get. And then, just spend as much time with them. But like quality time they are also willing to give you otherwise it is just useless.

  3. Oh Emily, I get this I really do! The world is such a horrible place right now I just try and avoid the new altogether these days! Try not to let it get you down, focus on the excitement of getting to raise a tiny little human and teach them all the magical parts of the world!
    PaleGirlRambling xo

  4. I totally agree with the worries and deep thoughts you have but the excitement of having a lil' human of your own will soon leave no room for anything else! The baby is a legacy in itself for your grandmother if you think about it like that <3

    Morgan //

  5. Oh man - how to even tackle this. First - it's not that I'm not concerned, but to me...I can't do anything about some of the major things happening in our world. So I just slap on a happy face, live life to the fullest and GO! If I get wind a missile is going to hit in a couple hours, I will get to my nearest loved one and make the most of it! Not going to let ANYONE take that away from me.

    As for the circle of life - IT'S BEAUTIFUL! Knowing that a little piece of my great, great, great, great, great....etc. grandparents still live in me....isn't that fascinating?! Your daughter isn't the "end of your family" - you will always live on <3 I say this easily....yet event though I do not fear death, I despise it! My grandfather has almost been gone for 10 years and I can't talk about him without getting teary-eyed.

    I wish I had words of wisdom...but alas, I am only It's easier said then done....but take a deep breath and jump! Face life and just live xoxox

  6. Hey, Read my testimony! Getting ex back after a breakup. My boyfriend of a 2 year just broke up with me and am 28 weeks pregnant. I have cried myself to sleep most of the nights and don’t seem to concentrate during lectures sometimes I stay awake almost all night thinking about him and start to cry all over again. Because of this I end up not having energy for my next day’s classes, my attendance has dropped and am always in uni and on time. Generally he is a very nice guy, he ended it because he said we were arguing a lot and not getting along. He is right we've been arguing during the pregnancy a lot. After the break up I kept ringing him and telling him I will change. I am in love with this guy and he is the best guy I have ever been with. I’m still hurt and in disbelief when he said he didn't have any romantic feelings towards me anymore that hurt me faster than a lethal syringe. He texts me once and then mainly to check up on how am doing with the pregnancy, he is supportive with it but it’s not fair on me, him texting me as I just want to grieve the pain and not have any stress due to the pregnancy. I was really upset and I needed help, so I searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Ahmed can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and I did it then he did a spell for me. 28 hours later, my boyfriend came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my boyfriend are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Ahmed. as it is a place to resolve marriage/relationship issues, do you want to be sure if your spouse is being faithful to you or Do you want your Ex to come back to you Contact.: E-mail: call him on: +2348160153829 save your crumbling home. I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you.