Baby P is the supermassive black hole at the center of my own personal universe, in the best possible sense. She is always, always present in some corner of my mind, no matter what I’m working on or who I’m talking to, and by the time I get home from work, the only thing I want to do is be with her. Now that she’s teetering on the cusp of walking, though, this mostly involves following her around while she explores new and different things to bang against other things.
It’s hard to leave her each morning, even though she enjoys being at daycare and (when she’s home with her dad) barely clocks my departure. Once at work, I look at photos and videos of her constantly: while I’m eating lunch, or walking through the halls, or waiting for the slow-as-molasses freight elevator. And when I do have time at home with her, it’s hard to spend that time doing any of those mundane household tasks that nobody really likes.
Brooch: Lillian Madison Designs (discontinued, sorry!)
One side effect of this that I hadn’t quite expected has been its effect on my free time (such as it is). I knew I’d have far less time for myself once P was born, but what’s really surprised me is how much my use of that time has changed. (Exhibit A: no blog updates for over for months. Exhibit B: cooking has become a purely utilitarian activity, when ‘utilitarian’ is redefined as ‘the greatest food for the least effort.’) Rather than coming home from work and running out to snap blog photos, or settling down to write a post and scroll through my social-media feeds once dinner is done and dusted, I’ve gravitated toward activities that are (dare I say it?) a bit more selfish.
And when I take a step back to think about it, this actually makes a lot of sense. Before P was born, I felt like I was the master of my own destiny, more or less. That’s changed rather dramatically, to put it lightly, and I’ve found myself looking for ways to regain a little of that old self-directed feeling. I bought a sewing machine a few months ago and have spent most of my spare moments learning to make my own dresses, which might be the perfect hobby for an introvert with a clothing habit.
Since I started drafting this post a month ago, I’ve accumulated a small backlog of me-made dresses to blog about, P has turned one and learned to walk (!!!!!), and I’ve come to love my little girl even more. Dropping her off at daycare has gotten the tiniest bit easier as she’s adjusted to her new room and new teachers. But I still spend the entire day thinking of her and looking forward to the moment I can kiss those super-squish cheeks again. I’ve already photographed a couple of my me-made dresses, so keep your eyes peeled for sewing-related posts! In the meantime, you can find me sitting on my living room floor, stealing lightning-fast cuddles from little Miss Independent and stacking blocks.
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