Life Update: She's Here!

For those of you who've seen any of my recent Insta posts, this post will be old news. But in case anyone was wondering what happened to my lovely, predictable three-times-per-week update schedule, here's your answer: it's gone the way of every other schedule and routine in my life, because our baby is here!

My first postpartum blog shoot took three minutes flat.

I won't bore you with the details of her birth or belabor (yes, I chose that word deliberately) the details of adjusting to life with a newborn, but you can expect a loooong post sooner or later with my reflections on motherhood.

Right now, the short version is this: we are exhausted, I barely ever bother to put on proper clothes, and I love her more than I could possibly express in words. It's a real eye-opener to have a child. About a week after the baby was born, I turned to my mother and asked "did you love me as much as I love her?" The answer, unsurprisingly, was yes, but I never could have imagined how she felt until our little girl arrived. (During my lower moments, this realization makes me extra sad about everything my parents have been going through regarding my sister. Yay for extra emotions?)

We were so lucky that my parents were able to come stay with us during those oh-so-difficult first few weeks. I think my dad must've spent a good three hours each morning just holding the baby so we could get a little bit of sleep, and it made me unspeakably happy to see how much he loved my fussy, noisy little baby at first sight. (Also, if my mom hadn't been here, Jeff and I would've starved long ago and the baby still wouldn't have had a bath in a tub.)

Jeff and I have been in survival mode since my mom went back to New York a week ago, but I think we're finally starting to get a handle on caring for a tiny being that needs to be fed every three hours and just wants to be cuddled. My cousin and his partner came over today and made us the loveliest brunch, and I must've spent half their visit just repeating how happy I was to see them and to be eating actual food.

Also: it's been 24 hours since I wrote the above, because Penny is the Michigan J. Frog of babies and seemed to sense that Jeff and I were starting to feel like we were settling into a routine. It's like she takes such statements as a challenge and responds by showing us just how much upheaval she's able to cause! But at the moment, she's sleeping, the breast-pump equipment is freshly washed, and I'm watching my first episode of Law and Order: SVU in approximately four years and digesting a salad and coffee that Jeff went and grabbed. (In other words, life is good!)

I feel so lucky and grateful for all the love with which my family and friends have welcomed our baby. Whenever I start to fall down a rabbit hole of negativity and anxiety, it helps so much to think about the circle of love that she'll grow up in, and the deep sense of worthiness and security she'll gain from that love.

My promise to keep photos of Jeff off the blog has been extended to Penny's face, but this photo that shows how tiny she was one day after she was born? It's fair game!

One last thing: for the foreseeable future, blog updates will be a bit thin on the ground and irregular as we adjust to the chaos of raising a newborn, but they will happen!

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