Thursday, May 26, 2016

Don't Fly American!

I'm in New York again! Getting here was an absolute nightmare, unfortunately. It's like I used up my lifetime allotment of travel-related luck while I lived in LA, or maybe the problem is that O'Hare is literally the unholy child of Satan and mom jeans. 

Before I commence ranting/warning you off of American Airlines on pain of rage, misery, and frustration, let's look back to an outfit from a happier/not dreadful day!
I've written about why I love this skirt before, and it's become one of my go-to 'omg, need to get dressed in five minutes because Jeff already has his shoes on and is waiting at the door' pieces. I loved wearing it so much that I even bought the black one! 

I liked the idea of pairing gingham and polka dots, and it turned out to be one of those things that worked just as well in practice as in theory. (Score!) I added this ancient red-and-green belt, red flats, and my new dinosaur brooch from Erstwilder, went out to dinner, and felt like absolutely 1,000,000 bucks!
Top: Anthropologie
Skirt: Modcloth
Belt: some thrift store in LA
Shoes: Zulily
Brooch: Erstwilder, from Pinup Girl Clothing

Ok, back to teeth-grinding, appetite-killing rage. This, my friends, is a tale of Why You Should Avoid O'Hare and American Airlines Like the Plague. 

In case you haven't heard, Chicago has been having insanely long security lines recently, owing to some TSA-related nonsense. Sidebar: Hallocks are well-known (among those who know us in real life) for getting to the airport stupid early. (What if something went wrong?!? What if someone [ahem] told her parents that her flight was out of JFK when really it was LaGuardia, like that one time in 2011?? What if I made parenthetical remarks within parenthetical remarks?!?) so when I found out that it was taking people THREE hours to get through security, I rearranged my entire work schedule so I would be sure to make my flight. 

You can probably guess what happened next. I arrived THREE HOURS AND FORTY-FIVE MINUTES before my flight. This is actually a new Hallock record. However, the firestorm of attention on O'Hare's greater-than-usual dysfunctionality actually achieved results, so while the line was quite long, I was through in 20 minutes. 

Ok. I ate my sandwich, then got on standby for a flight that was scheduled to leave two hours and ten minutes before my original flight. I got a seat, and while I was annoyed at having to gate-check my bag, I figured at least I'd get home faster and not inconvenience my family quite so much, right?

DING DONG I WAS WRONG. It started to thunder and lightning. They made us wait on the plane. It lightninged some more. We waited some more. Then the captain came on the PA to announce that the crew had timed out because of the delays, and we'd all have to deplane while they got a new crew. This is where I started quietly losing my mind. This flight clearly wasn't going to beat my original flight to New York, and just to add insult to injury, my suitcase with my unicorn Nancy dress was sitting in the belly of the plane, so I couldn't just switch back to my first flight. 

As anyone who has ever flown knows, boarding/deplaning takes a RIDICULOUS amount of time. So I did what all angry millennials do, and took it to the streets, by which I mean Twitter. American Airlines gave me anodyne replies, but what really irked me was that they wouldn't answer my question about why we had to deplane! My suspicion was that they made us get off the plane so that they wouldn't have to compensate the passengers for sitting on the tarmac if the delays stretched past the government limits. I asked the flight attendant on the plane, and she said that wasn't it. But how hard would it have been for the airline Twitter to explain it?!? I just wanted an explanation to console myself with, since I'm an adult and can't just lay in the terminal and cry like a child could've. Getting an answer from one of the flight attendants went a long way. 

Other things that annoyed me: American doesn't let passengers request upgrades unless you have one of their fancy elite-level frequent flier ratings. I couldn't have gotten an upgrade even if the seats were available! No other airline that I've flown prohibits the plebes from asking for an upgrade. 

Second, I saw people pulling two items out of the overheads when I deplaned, which (as I had to gate-check my carryon as the overheads were full) made me want to Learn Those Jerks How to Act. Shouldn't someone be watching out for that while we board?

Third, they don't give out snacks. Delta still gives out snacks! 

Finally, they had the wrong terminal on their website, so my family went to the terminal listed on the website, then had to walk 20 minutes to where I was waiting fuming. Then we had to cart all my stuff back to the car! 

Verdict: 1/10 do not recommend!

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  1. I just heard a horror story about Delta last night!!! Sorry for the troubles!
    Now that I am all caught up on your blog again....I'll be around to rant and rave along side you :p

    1. Ugh, no airline seems to ever have their &$%# together! Virgin America was the best, in my experience. I'm so excited to see you back in blogland!

  2. Blehhh I'm always afraid of terrible travel adventures! You should come up and fly out of Milwaukee instead ;) It's much less bonkers.

    1. Milwaukee has actually been on my travel wish list for ages now, ever since my semester abroad when one of my closest friends in the program was living there! O'Hare might literally be a black hole of truth and light.