Saturday, July 8, 2017

What I've Learned From My Parents

One thing you might not know about me is that I'm quite close with my dad. I've written quite a bit about the women in my family before, but recently I realized that surprisingly, I haven't really shared too much about my dad.

My dad is basically Max Weber's Protestant ethic in human form, crossed with George Bailey from It's a Wonderful Life. (Coincidentally, that's his favorite movie. Sorry for the tiny political theory bomb.) He's the master of the corny pun and really likes going to Disneyland and Pixar movies with his family.

iPhone 4 front cameras were garbage.

My dad is the type of person that corrects cashiers if they give him extra change. Honesty is very important to him, you see. He's also the type of person that still uses cash and pays bills online. Fun fact: he only learned to send a text within the last year or so. He won an iPad a few years back and it sat in the box for at least eighteen months.

peak dad texting
This is the very first text he ever sent. All who know him agree that it's Peak Him. 

My dad also has a very unique dancing style, and my mom always says it's one of the things she really loves about him.

Exhibit A.
Apparently it's a heritable trait.
Yep, definitely heritable.

Whenever I'm visiting my family in New York, I spend weekdays waiting semi-patiently for him to get home from work, at which point I'll usually follow him around the house, standing outside the bedroom door chattering away as he gets into his inside-the-house clothes. I got my love of cars from him, and when I still lived in New York, we used to go to the annual NY auto show religiously. We've spent countless hours going out for drives on the back roads, taking exercise walks around our town, and losing at family poker to my aunts and uncles.

If I'm sad or upset, my dad is one of the people I know will always be able to help. Even though I know what he'll say in 95% of those cases (1. 'keep it in perspective;' 2. 'do you have friends' *yes* 'then you aren't a failure;' and so on), it's so much more effective when I hear it from him. He often jokes when I call him during the workday that he's nervous when he sees my number on the caller ID, since there's about a 50-50 chance that he'll answer and just hear indecipherable wailing. (I have a lot of feelings, you know!)

Even though he's far, far WASP-ier than my mother and her siblings, he's never had trouble telling Ronnie and me how much we mean to him. I cherish that knowledge every day.

Photo taken by Marble Rye Photography when my dad first saw me all ready for my wedding.

Ever since I found out that I was pregnant, I've seen my parents in a new light. This is 100% the most obvious epiphany to have, but whatever, this is my blog and I can share this totally mundane realization if I want. That space in my brain that was mostly taken up by Game of Thrones spoilers, Lord of the Rings and Star Wars trivia, and dresses is temporarily on loan to the Department of Baby Obsession. I've been thinking about parenting so much.

I've appreciated my dad's company and admired his character for as long as I can remember, and one of my most reliable Happy Thoughts right now is thinking about how our daughter will feel the same way about Jeff.

But in dwelling in that particular happy thought, I've actually come to appreciate something about my mom. It's something I didn't ever notice for the longest time. (I guess this is gonna be a post about both my parents. Sorry, Dad. You'll get your very own post someday!)


For as long as I can remember, my mother has never failed to tell us what she loves, values, and respects about my father. When I was very young and only saw my dad for a few minutes before he left for work and a little while each night after he got home, she would take great pains to explain, in age appropriate terms, why he spent so much time out of the house. She'd contextualize the hours he spent commuting and working each day as an act of love: as something he did so that we could live in a house, so I could take ballet and music lessons, so we could have things we needed.

From this, I learned so much about what's really important in a family, and what kind of person I wanted to become. And recently, I've realized how important it is that I show my own child how much I love and respect her father, and help her to understand good character through the things I love about him.


I've also realized something else. Like my mom, I'm going into this whole parenting thing with a lot more experience around children than my partner has, and this means I have an opportunity to help guide Jeff in developing his relationship with our baby.

A few years ago, my mom told me something I'd genuinely never suspected: that a lot of the things I grew up doing with my dad, like getting Burger King on the weekends when Ronnie was a baby, or taking walks and bike rides around town, actually started because she suggested it to him. She saw these ways we could spend time together and nudged my dad to see them too. These activities turned into some of my favorite things to do, and my mom ended up doing exactly what she'd set up to do: fostering an unbreakable bond between her child and her husband.

Looking at it now, I'm just amazed by this act of love. My mother has never felt herself in competition with my dad for her children's love. She's weathered the years of utter bullshit that daughters often seem to reserve especially for their mother without ever seeming to resent that my dad escaped a good deal of the storm. I guess she's always known that love within a family isn't a limited-edition resource.


I feel so lucky to have learned what love and family are from these two people. It's made me who I am, helped me create a life I deeply enjoy, and led me to share my life with someone who sees love as something you do. These are the things I hope I can remember and live by as Jeff and I become parents.

Follow this blog on:
Instagram@emily.hallock

25 comments:

  1. What an absolutely beautiful post. I can't say more than that - one of the most moving things I have read in a long time! Kx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! It was a nice post to write, because I got to dwell on something important *and* pleasant. I'm so excited to see them next week!

      Delete
  2. This was so wonderful and moving to read! You've certainly had an amazing foundation and example led by your parents. That's why you turned out so well! :) Your baby is going to be so loved and so well cared for!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Bristol, you are just so sweet! Thank you for your kind words <3. I can't wait for my parents to meet the baby -- I have a feeling they're going to be wonderful grandparents :).

      Delete
  3. This was such a cute post to read!
    Have a lovely day!
    xx Kris

    https://dreamingofpink.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Kris! It was a joy to write this one.

      Delete
  4. Awww I love all the old throwback photos!! Your parents are the sweetest!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Sara! I've always enjoyed looking at old family photos, and I've got hundreds on my phone!

      Delete
  5. I have to say how touching this post was, I enjoyed learning a bit more about you and also seeing these sweet pictures. I have no doubt that you'll be an amazing mother and your baby is very lucky to have such great grandparents to look forward to. Thank you for sharing x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much -- I'm really glad you enjoyed this post! Writing it was quite meaningful, and it really made me think about how lucky I've been to grow up with these parents of mine <3.

      Delete
  6. What a great post! I agree that when I became pregnant, and now that I'm a mother, I see my parents in such a different light. I understand them more and feel more appreciative of the sacrifices they made to make mine and my sisters lives better. It's amazing what the gift of parenthood can bring to you, other than just that beautiful baby!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you <3! It's really an amazing shift in perspective to have your own child, and I know it'll be even more intense once the baby is born, just as you said!

      Delete
  7. This is so beautiful, so touching. So inspiring! These pictures are so precious!

    Jessica & James | foodandbaker.co.uk / foodandbakertravels.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! I really treasure all my old family photos.

      Delete
  8. This is such a beautiful post! You have so many incredible memories! I wish I was as close to my parents as you are to yours! Your little one is going to be so lucky to have such incredible grandparents! (And mumma obv!)
    PaleGirlRambling xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Rachael <3! After a difficult few months, it's really lovely to sit back and dwell on the good times for a while. And thanks for your vote of confidence -- I hope to be a good mom!

      Delete
  9. The old photos are adorable!! Family are so important I honestly don't know what I'd do without mine!

    Tara xo
    http://taradaniella.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know what I'd do without mine, either! And I absolutely cherish those old photos, especially now that I live so far from my family.

      Delete
  10. This was such a beautiful and sweet post to read! Made me tear up a little bit 💖🍵

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awwww, that's so kind of you! I might've teared up a bit while writing it...

      Delete
  11. I'm actually feeling extremely emotional now after reading this as it reminds me how much family means to me. This is the kind of post you'll treasure forever, but I don't think I have the guts to do so which makes me admire you even more!

    Lizzie Bee // hello lizzie bee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awwww I'm sorry to have made you get emotional, but glad to remind you of how much you care about your family! It's really a nice thing to dwell on. And thank you for the kind words!

      Delete
  12. Emily, this is such a lovely post! And I, even though I am a stranger, think that you'll be just as good as parent as they are to you x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That really touched my heart, Lydia -- thank you so much for the vote of confidence <3. Becoming a parent is pretty scary!

      Delete
  13. Damn it....I'm teary-eyed at work. I'm such a daddy's girl

    ReplyDelete