Wednesday, August 23, 2017

On Haters, Again

Every so often, I see posts on Facebook or Instagram that make me sad. Apparently, some people cannot go out in the world wearing whatever strikes their fancy without being inundated by obnoxious, judgmental, and downright rude comments from coworkers, 'friends'/relatives, and perfect strangers. And it sort of baffles me that so many people apparently never learned that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. It's not exactly rocket science, is it?

pinup girl clothing pele dress

Now, I'm not sure if people are just exceptionally nice where I live and work, or if I'm just not perceptive enough to pick up on the shade thrown my way, but I almost never experience this personally. And I have a theory about why this is the case.

No, it's not because I'm sort of a hermit and don't see that many people on a daily basis. (Well, at least, that's not entirely why.) I think it's because most of the time, the people I see from day to day are reasonably content with their lives. Apart from Jeff, the people I see when I'm all dressed up tend to be coworkers and friends. Since I wouldn't be friends with anyone who treated me like dirt and tried to undermine my confidence (at least, not anymore), my coworkers and colleagues would be the likeliest candidates of everyone I see on the daily to give me a hard time about my style choices. But you know what? They don't!

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And here's the crucial thing: I think this is because most of my colleagues are pretty happy with their own choices. Many of them have managed to find success in the highly competitive profession they chose; many of the rest of us believe in the mission of our institution and feel good about the work we do. To the extent that they like my unusual clothing choices, they might say something, and when they don't like what I'm wearing, they don't feel the need to comment.

The general lesson I take from this is captured, sort of, in Elle Woods' line that "happy people just don't shoot their husbands." People who are happy and secure in their own choices just don't feel the need to build themselves up by criticizing others' choices. When you're focused on living your life as your own work of art, it just doesn't feel right to attack others for doing the same. But I'd go even further and say that when you throw yourself into living a life you've chosen, it makes you happy to see others doing the same.


When you feel fulfilled by your own choices and spot someone else that appears to be equally fulfilled, wouldn't you want to tell them how awesome it is to see someone else doing exactly as they please? I know that when I see people enthusiastically, wholeheartedly doing them, I admire it.

So when I hear about people who go out of their way to criticize others for wearing pretty dresses that make them happy, or vintage hairstyles, or red lipstick, or anything, I have to conclude that those people are either miserable, insecure, or both. And criticism that comes from a place of insecurity and unhappiness says far more about the speaker than the person they're criticizing.


So the next time someone makes a snide remark about something you're doing or wearing, ask yourself this: what's missing in their life that makes them need to lash out at others? Would they say that if they truly felt confident and happy? And if it's just coming from a place of deep insecurity and unhappiness, why should you take it seriously?

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35 comments:

  1. I love love love your dress!!

    Sophia xo // sophiaaaxo.com

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    1. Aw, thank you so much! I'm glad I snagged it secondhand!

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  2. Seriously, I've been having a bad spot with my mood and stuff so I haven't poppped by your blog in a little while and when I read a post like this I'm like WHY. You always make sense to me.
    I agree with you- people that say mean things all the time must be full up to the top with sad or mean inside. That's my less eloquent way of putting it anyway haha!

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    1. So sorry to hear that you've been having a rough time, mood-wise. I can definitely relate, and am sending you lots and lots of <3.

      And YES, when people are mean and judgmental, it just shows how unhappy they must be!

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  3. Lovely dress ! You look so pretty !
    Nina
    xox
    www.thecrispylipstick.com

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    1. <3 thank you! I'm so glad I can still wear this with my lil bump!

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  4. Oh boy....I really, really, REALLY had to try to not say mean things to a person who wanted to divorce me. But you know what....I bit my tongue and didn't social media bash....even though I thought it. Then...BAM....the fake-it-til-you-make-it mentality becomes truth! Beautiful post, Emily <3

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    1. I have to say, I noticed that about you! I had no idea anything was going on until you told me, and after that I marvelled at how mature you were in never saying a negative thing about your ex on social media. That's true class, my friend <3.

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    2. It's difficult, but I tried and tried. It just didn't seem worth it to me.

      And thank you <3

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  5. How right you are to ask what is missing for the haters. I have never understood it in person and I understand it even less online. I don't always enjoy what people say, show or wear on their blogs, in which case I simply move on to the next one. Very occasionally, where it's an opinion involved (rather than a dress!), I have, I hope respectfully, offered an alternative viewpoint, and I simply and silently stop following people when, for whatever reason, I no longer enjoy their posts. On other matters: oh what a perfect dress for you, and I love the green belt - how different it would have looked without that. Kx

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    1. YES! YES! This is spot on, my friend! If you don't like something, just keep scrolling. You don't need to tell people that you dislike their taste! I don't understand people who feel the need to tear into others. And when it comes to actual statements of opinions, I'll speak up when it's important or if someone is being attacked, but otherwise, I've learned it's often futile to engage.

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  6. You have the most incredible and positive outlook on life! I have never thought to look at it the way you described. I always feel nervous about the way I look and way I dress, I never thought about the fact people criticise because they're not happy in themselves! What a well written post!
    PaleGirlRambling xo

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    1. That's such a massive compliment <3 thank you! Honestly, I only came to this realization when I started to feel really confident and happy, and noticed that I wanted to tell people who were doing something I liked that they were awesome instead of nitpicking people for doing things I wouldn't choose. I hope you feel a bit less nervous knowing that anyone who says anything to you is just an unhappy jerk!

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  7. This is a dose of truth I desperately needed. I always think it's my own fault when someone is mean to me, or that I really am wearing stupid clothes or something. But people who aren't happy will always find something in someone else's life to moan about.

    x Envy

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    1. I hope it helps you to silence those doubts just a little bit <3. Meanness *always* says more about the person being mean than the target. No matter what you're wearing, there's NEVER cause to pick on someone about it. Take it from the girl who wears a petticoat on the regular! Anyone who takes issue with what you're doing just isn't confident enough to focus on their own life.

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  8. Thank you for writing this post, I've definitely got caught up in the opinions of other people before and questioned myself, luckily I've come to the point where I'm more confident and self assured but this isn't the case for everyone. I love how this post validates and uplifts, and most importantly, teaches a great lesson.
    Another great post!

    Rumaanah x

    - https://ruminvte.wordpress.com/

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    1. I'm so glad you've reached that point where you listen to yourself and not others' opinions! Self-assurance is such a valuable thing to develop. I hope people who aren't at that point yet are able to hear this message and get just a little more able to tune out the negativity.

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  9. Hi, I love the dress I think it's my favourite so far. It's so sad that people feel that have to write nasty comments, enjoy what you wear and continue to look great, Chloe.

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    1. Aw, thank you so much! I don't have many dresses with a black background but I've always loved black and hot pink together! And it is really sad that some people have nothing to offer but negativity, isn't it?

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  10. This post is everything! Well written and truthfully told! Some people can be so ugh but I agree with you in questioning. Keep doing you girl - looking amazing as always!

    Jessica & James | www.foodandbaker.co.uk / www.foodandbakertravels.co.uk

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    1. Thank you so much! I can't believe it took me so long to realize that negative people are negative because of their own issues, and not anything I've done.

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  11. I notice this too, the people who are quick to throw rude or hurtful comments out are usually the ones who are unhappy in life themselves. I've noticed it with myself before as well, when I was in a bad place about five years or so ago, I was extremely judgemental of other people. I suppose it's a way of people soothing and building up their own egos. It's not nice though, and the classic saying, 'if you've got nothing nice to say don't say it' is very important.

    Also, I love your dress and I love the way you've been photographed by plants as it mimics the print on the dress.

    Brilliant post, a very honest read.

    Beth | Quirks and Queries

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    1. YES! I was definitely more judgmental when I was unhappier and more insecure. It's such a weird way to try to deal with those feelings, yet it's so common. But I'm with you -- the old classic of not saying anything if you've got nothing nice to say is the right attitude!

      And thank you so much! I love botanical prints and leafy green vines equally ;).

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  12. You have absolutely fabulous style!!! Wishes i could carry off the vintage look!! Just haven't found the right dress yet!

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    1. Thank you so much! And you will look fabulous when you find the dress for you!

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  13. I couldn't agree more with this post! It honestly makes me so incredibly sad that most people these days have just forgotten how to be nice to each other 😭💖 ps your dress is beautiful and so are you 💖

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    1. It makes me sad too, both for the people being mean and for their victims. What's the world coming to when so many people can't find happiness or inner peace without tearing others down?

      And thank you, my kind friend!

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  14. I love the dress. You look absolutely fantastic in it! I have not experienced it either but I have seen some pretty violent reaction to curve models on twitter... OMG... xx corinne

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    1. Thank you so much! And yeah, I've seen a lot of horrible comments and troll accounts on Twitter and Insta as well...what on earth are the people who do those things missing in their lives?!?

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  15. completely agree. If someone is happy and secure in themselves they wouldn't feel the need to put others down. I love the dress BTW!

    Hannah @ The Northern Writes | www.thenorthernwrites.co.uk

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    1. Seriously! It makes me pity them for being so obviously and clearly unhappy. And thank you so much! Hawaiian prints are totally my jam.

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  16. I could not agree with this more! If someone is going out of their way to make you feel bad because of your clothing choices..they are clearly not happy with themselves. But, on a positive note...Your dress is fabulous, Emily! I seriously love the print and neckline!!

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    1. Thank you so much, Lindsey! I was excited to track this dress down at long last. And yeah, people who need to drag someone's fashion choices are clearly unfulfilled in some major way!

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  17. I love your outfit and I couldn't agree more - we shouldn't really care that much about others!
    Have an amazing day!
    xx Kris

    https://dreamingofpink.wordpress.com

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    1. Thank you so much! And yes -- we'll all be happier if we follow our hearts and tune out the haters!

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